Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
