she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
