hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
