my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dignity is for republicans.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
