So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
