i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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