if you like me you must not know who I am
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
