Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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