I cannot find my penis.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
