Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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