Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dicks are not precious.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
