i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
