I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
wow bdsm is so cute
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
