I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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