i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
