Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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