my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
