A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
