So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
