For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
