how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
