He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
