come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
