ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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