I think im going to throw up on grandma
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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