how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
