My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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