I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
