Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
