i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
