I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
