I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
