Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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