There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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