Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
