I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
