3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
