my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
