I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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