We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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