Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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