I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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