i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
