We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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