i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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