It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
