I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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