I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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