I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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