Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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