I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
